When we go through a breakup, we accumulate baggage, and if we don’t take time after each breakup to process and let it go, our grief compounds and gradually weighs us down. It’s hard enough to heal from one breakup, let alone work through the many layers of prolonged grief. After a breakup, it’s crucial for our wellbeing and the quality of our future relationships that we let go of our past and make a fresh start.
Spring is a time of renewal. Just as rain washes away last year’s dead leaves, you too can use this time to banish the remains of your last relationship and begin anew. To help you step into this new and lighter season of your life, here are 5 rituals for releasing stagnant emotions.
Have a ”Boyfriend Bonfire”
What would be the female equivalent of this? A ”light up your lady” ritual? Yikes. You know what, let’s just call it a fire cleanse.
No, I am not telling you to throw your ex in a fire. As badly as they may have burned you (see what I did there?), revenge is never the answer. What I mean is, if you still have an ex’s old t-shirt or love letters, maybe now is the time to let them go. You could also write a letter to your ex and then watch it burn (but more on this later).
An alternative to burning, of course, is to just toss the items away. That said, many people regret parting with precious items such as love letters and photographs, so I urge you to think very carefully about this. If you decide to burn the memories, make sure you take all the necessary precautions.
If it’s too hard to have these items around, you can ask a friend to hold onto them for now, or store them somewhere out of reach. You know what they say, “out of sight, out of mind.”
Try visualization
Although every type of meditation has cleansing and healing powers, I’ll tell you about the one I think is most suited for releasing emotional baggage — visualization.
To reap the benefits of this meditation practice, the key is to imagine your grief as an energy force (dark blue light or whatever you imagine your grief looks like), and see with your mind’s eye as you will it to leave your body. You can also imagine that your mind is emptying of thoughts; imagine your worries and memories vanishing, dissolving, or even escaping through your ears! This is your thing — do whatever feels right for you.
You can do this in a seated position, laying down, or as a walking meditation, but my favourite is while showering. The best thing about a shower meditation is that you can easily visualize stress leaving your body as it washes off of you and disappears down the drain. Plus, the hot water helps your muscles relax, allowing you to de-stress even more. A bath is great for this as well, and for a deeper cleanse, you can add epsom salt to draw out toxins, and white candles since the colour white can represent healing, clarity, and peace.
Whichever method you choose will do the trick, because the important part is the visualization. Our minds are powerful tools, and how we use them determines the quality and trajectory of our lives. Harness the power of visualization and use it to release those stagnant emotions that block your healing.
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness goes far beyond meditation. If sitting down for a formal practice (or hallucinating in the shower) is not your thing, there are plenty of other ways to step into the present moment.
Take a walk in nature, listen to music or paint your emotions out onto the canvas. Doing what we love puts us in what’s called a ”flow state,” wherein we feel sharply focused, aligned with our intention, and deeply connected to our life force. Whatever makes time stop and your soul come alive — do that, and do it often.
To paraphrase Eckhart Tolle, suffering is caused by too much future, too much past, and not enough present. Ruminating on the past and worrying about the future are some ways we fill our minds and bodies with clutter — and mindfulness is the remedy. When our full attention is fixed on what we’re doing, there is no room for mental clutter to come in and sap our energy and focus.
Paradoxical as it may sound, present-moment awarenss gives us more control over our future, and allows us to reconcile our past. Think about it: if your mind is too busy worrying about the future or stuck on memories and regrets, how will you find the time and energy to actively work on your recovery? The way to get unstuck is by working with life — the present moment — and not against it.
Journal
Just get it out of your head and onto the page. The simple act of writing out your thoughts can be extremely cathartic. Writing is a way to tell your mind, ”hey, you don’t have to worry about this anymore. It’s on the page, so if I need it I can come back to it.” You can burn the pages when you’re done, or keep them to reflect on later.
Writing about your feelings can help you get in touch with them more deeply, which will then allow you to process and release them. Being stuck in grief puts us in survival mode — how can we heal if we’re too busy fighting our demons? Journaling gets us unstuck; getting it out of your head and actually processing it will free up your mind so you can focus on your recovery.
Do some good ol’ fashioned cleaning
There’s a reason that collectively, we make a point of cleaning house during spring time. Winter is a time of rest and hibernation — a time when we like to just lay low and get cozy. We put some chores on the back burner and so over time, stuff tends to pile up. When winter is in its final stretch and we can feel summer on its way, we get a spring in our step (pun intended). We know it’s time to dust the top of the cabinets, store away the heavy clothes, and welcome our fresh start. Out with the old, in with the new.
It’s time to let go of what’s keeping you stuck and stagnant, so you can make room for healing, abundance and joy.
With spring finally arriving and summer on its way, how will you celebrate your rebirth?
